Wednesday, August 22, 2012
Day 7: What? A month later?
I've been disappointed with a lot of stuffs lately. Mainly, I found out that my life as I've known it was a lie. I woke up one morning and things just became different. And I didn't know who I was anymore. And I still don't know even now. So I turned to my other blog. The one with all black background and white font and a little touch of red. I've affectionately nicknamed it my emo blog. In there, I put all my anger, disappointment, depression, and even some of the lighter stuffs.
Honest, that blog is even more alive than this one. Almost sad to realize that I have many things to feel shit of and few things to feel grateful of. The fact that no one reads it actually makes me spill what I really feel and well, I'm okay with that too.
I would say if I killed myself someday, my suicide note would be on that blog.
So I'm thankful for that blog.
By the way, I have that blog for 7 years now. The number of posts as of today is... 396.
Thank you for being there, my emo blog.
Honest, that blog is even more alive than this one. Almost sad to realize that I have many things to feel shit of and few things to feel grateful of. The fact that no one reads it actually makes me spill what I really feel and well, I'm okay with that too.
I would say if I killed myself someday, my suicide note would be on that blog.
So I'm thankful for that blog.
By the way, I have that blog for 7 years now. The number of posts as of today is... 396.
Thank you for being there, my emo blog.
Saturday, July 21, 2012
Day 378 or just Day 6
What? I know I've left this for more than a year. I've told you how I have this ADD...
Nah, I'm just lazy. Lazy to write. Lazy to find something to be grateful of. Lazy to be living, actually. Honest, I think I'm just surviving at this moment. I've quit my job last year, and it's nearly a year that I'm out of job. Mostly because I think I'll just crash and burn if I ACTUALLY get a job, which is stupid, or more precisely, retarded.
I've lost passion on a lot of things. Drawing, playing video games, and so... every day I'm just here, wasting air. I keep remembering the captain in Pixar's movie Wall-E, "I don't want to survive. I want to LIVE." I do, I do want to live.
I don't know how to do it, though. Maybe not being able to find something to be grateful of is one of the reasons why I'm stumped.
I used to be proud of myself for having vast imagination. That I could create a complete story in my head just on a whim. But the sheer laziness of mine actually hinders the process of making it real. I'm not proud of my laziness, not proud of my procrastination.
Most of all, I hate this fear. Fear leads to reluctance, reluctance leads to laziness, laziness leads to dullness. And while I understand the logic, I don't really know how to do the practical side of it.
So... what am I grateful of?
I guess I'm grateful of my imagination. Now if I could only knock myself and actually do something about it... it would be so grand, I tell you.
Anyway, I've decided to make this a Day 6, since I felt like I've cheated on my last entry.
Nah, I'm just lazy. Lazy to write. Lazy to find something to be grateful of. Lazy to be living, actually. Honest, I think I'm just surviving at this moment. I've quit my job last year, and it's nearly a year that I'm out of job. Mostly because I think I'll just crash and burn if I ACTUALLY get a job, which is stupid, or more precisely, retarded.
I've lost passion on a lot of things. Drawing, playing video games, and so... every day I'm just here, wasting air. I keep remembering the captain in Pixar's movie Wall-E, "I don't want to survive. I want to LIVE." I do, I do want to live.
I don't know how to do it, though. Maybe not being able to find something to be grateful of is one of the reasons why I'm stumped.
I used to be proud of myself for having vast imagination. That I could create a complete story in my head just on a whim. But the sheer laziness of mine actually hinders the process of making it real. I'm not proud of my laziness, not proud of my procrastination.
Most of all, I hate this fear. Fear leads to reluctance, reluctance leads to laziness, laziness leads to dullness. And while I understand the logic, I don't really know how to do the practical side of it.
So... what am I grateful of?
I guess I'm grateful of my imagination. Now if I could only knock myself and actually do something about it... it would be so grand, I tell you.
Anyway, I've decided to make this a Day 6, since I felt like I've cheated on my last entry.
Friday, July 8, 2011
Day 5 & 6: Double grateful!
Since I'm an idiot, I totally forgot to write yesterday. Whaaaaat, only the fifth day and I managed to forget... but I have this chronic short-term memory... and I also have ADD... (boo-ed by readers). Fine, fine, jeez. So to make up for it, today is the double grateful day!
First of all, as per my lovely friend's suggestion, I am grateful because I remember to be grateful, and thus I write on this blog again.
I often think that life is hard; it's so hard I've lost counts on how many times I want to jump from a tall building, or jump in front of a moving bus. I'm way too chicken to do that, of course! Besides, I believe Hell exists, so if I kill myself, I'll go to Hell where they'll fry me again, again, and again. Now I don't want that happening to me, see! If I keep on living, there might be chances, though low as it might be, that I can go to Heaven. To be honest, in-between not reading bible, and sometimes skipping church, and being overall bitter to the world, I kind of think there is no saving me. Do you know this statement from internet (bless you, internet): 'I will go to hell riding your c*BLEEP*k'. Pretty much it's gonna happen to me, because my next thing to be grateful of is...
PORN. *cough* Just kidding.
Well. Actually. Not really.
Maybe.
I'll definitely need to think something else to be grateful of... so probably today will be just Day 5.
Over and out!
First of all, as per my lovely friend's suggestion, I am grateful because I remember to be grateful, and thus I write on this blog again.
I often think that life is hard; it's so hard I've lost counts on how many times I want to jump from a tall building, or jump in front of a moving bus. I'm way too chicken to do that, of course! Besides, I believe Hell exists, so if I kill myself, I'll go to Hell where they'll fry me again, again, and again. Now I don't want that happening to me, see! If I keep on living, there might be chances, though low as it might be, that I can go to Heaven. To be honest, in-between not reading bible, and sometimes skipping church, and being overall bitter to the world, I kind of think there is no saving me. Do you know this statement from internet (bless you, internet): 'I will go to hell riding your c*BLEEP*k'. Pretty much it's gonna happen to me, because my next thing to be grateful of is...
PORN. *cough* Just kidding.
Well. Actually. Not really.
Maybe.
I'll definitely need to think something else to be grateful of... so probably today will be just Day 5.
Over and out!
Wednesday, July 6, 2011
Day 4: Being grateful because no one is there!
Mostly. Peps in my company had a meeting offsite today. The office was pretty much deserted, except for 9 peps. No boss = Bludge, which what I exactly did.
After being stressed out because of work, a bludging day was just what I needed! Oh I still worked, just slowed down considerably! Haha, they should have done this more often.
Well... we are always busy in the office. I very rarely bludge because I hate being idle, and rather than being idle, I would always ask my boss if there was anything to do, if he needed help on anything, if he could teach me something. Being idle means that I will start thinking about bad stuffs, so I just like being busy. There is always this sense of accomplishment when you finish a task.
Of course all work and no play make you a very dull person... I think that's what happening with me lately.
So I am glad for today. And I think a few others will agree with me!
After being stressed out because of work, a bludging day was just what I needed! Oh I still worked, just slowed down considerably! Haha, they should have done this more often.
Well... we are always busy in the office. I very rarely bludge because I hate being idle, and rather than being idle, I would always ask my boss if there was anything to do, if he needed help on anything, if he could teach me something. Being idle means that I will start thinking about bad stuffs, so I just like being busy. There is always this sense of accomplishment when you finish a task.
Of course all work and no play make you a very dull person... I think that's what happening with me lately.
So I am glad for today. And I think a few others will agree with me!
Tuesday, July 5, 2011
Day 3: Being grateful for all that jazz!
Always love the Jazz. Messy one. Smooth one. Piano. Saxophone. Singing voice. Just instruments.
I'm amazed on the messy jazz particularly. By itself, the instrument produces a deafening racket. But you put all these racket together, and somehow those messy tunes combine to produce a beautiful, energetic piece. Chaos that stays as chaos, but gains order, though as loose as it is.
Not to be listened when your mind is crowded though. You need a right kind of mood to listen to that kind of jazz. Too much chaos isn't too good for you!
I do prefer the instrumental to the one with the vocalist. The instrumental jazz creates more melancholic mood. The piano delivers very amazing range to emotions. The second best instrument for jazz, I would say, is a guitar. There are some jazz that is better delivered by piano, some by guitar. I never truly like when it's played with saxophone, I wonder why.
Yeah, so I'm just grateful with jazz. I can't even crack a joke, because jazz is that awesome.
Peace out, I'm gonna turn into a hippie.
Duuuuude...
I'm amazed on the messy jazz particularly. By itself, the instrument produces a deafening racket. But you put all these racket together, and somehow those messy tunes combine to produce a beautiful, energetic piece. Chaos that stays as chaos, but gains order, though as loose as it is.
Not to be listened when your mind is crowded though. You need a right kind of mood to listen to that kind of jazz. Too much chaos isn't too good for you!
I do prefer the instrumental to the one with the vocalist. The instrumental jazz creates more melancholic mood. The piano delivers very amazing range to emotions. The second best instrument for jazz, I would say, is a guitar. There are some jazz that is better delivered by piano, some by guitar. I never truly like when it's played with saxophone, I wonder why.
Yeah, so I'm just grateful with jazz. I can't even crack a joke, because jazz is that awesome.
Peace out, I'm gonna turn into a hippie.
Duuuuude...
Monday, July 4, 2011
Day 2: Being grateful for the technology...
...especially for my lovely desktop computer and its equally lovely applications!
Today I went home from work feeling suicidal to the point of wondering whether I should call the suicide hotline or not. Of course I didn't! I would probably be labelled 'not suicidal enough'. Funny, is there a level of being suicidal, I thought being suicidal is kind of the point of where you should raise the alarm. Then again, I guess, even I do have thought of killing myself all the time, I won't kill myself, just because of His funny way of throwing jokes. He got some sick jokes that makes you go, 'ARGHHHH!' first, then 'Oh! Ok.' at the end...
I digress. Again. See the pattern here?
So I arrived home. When my lovely desktop computer turned on, it brought along my joy! It's like a switch! Bleep, stressed. Bleep, happy! Turned on my messenger. Ah mahhhh frenzzz! Having friends overseas mean that it can get quite difficult to reach them. The time difference is the factor here. The other factor is your and your friends' schedules. Especially when your friends are doctors who have very unpredictable schedules. For all you know, you could be sleeping and dreaming about being chased by a big catterpillar who squeaks 'peekoo! peekoo!' and your doctor friends were cutting someone's heart open and poking it with the scalpel.
There is only that much you can do with your phone and SMS. I hate SMS with passion. Mostly because of the limited space in which forces you to SMS-talk. Bt Y? I lk sms! U can type lk ts! It ezy 2 rd! NOT.
Bless technology and its messengers. Hail ye! Hail ye! FULL SENTENCES! HOW I LOVE THEE.
With messengers installed in your phone, you are connected with your friends 24/7! This is why you should only add a few close friends. Honest to God, if you're not going to talk to the people in your friend list, why did you add them anyway? And why the hell do you add people you do NOT like? We should have a rule here: add likeable friends only. Especially some of your friends may be those who are 'Friends: enemies-included'. As if you don't have enough enemies already.
Not me, nuh-uh, no enemies for me (while scrambling to nail the door so the mob outside pointing pitchforks and waving fire torches can't barge in).
I will not care that I have a mob chasing me if I know I have these friends who I know I can trust with my most deepest, darkest secrets. God bless 'em!
God bless internet too.
Don't kill the internet, okay, God? I'll cry. Seriously.
+Edited 1 time+
Today I went home from work feeling suicidal to the point of wondering whether I should call the suicide hotline or not. Of course I didn't! I would probably be labelled 'not suicidal enough'. Funny, is there a level of being suicidal, I thought being suicidal is kind of the point of where you should raise the alarm. Then again, I guess, even I do have thought of killing myself all the time, I won't kill myself, just because of His funny way of throwing jokes. He got some sick jokes that makes you go, 'ARGHHHH!' first, then 'Oh! Ok.' at the end...
I digress. Again. See the pattern here?
So I arrived home. When my lovely desktop computer turned on, it brought along my joy! It's like a switch! Bleep, stressed. Bleep, happy! Turned on my messenger. Ah mahhhh frenzzz! Having friends overseas mean that it can get quite difficult to reach them. The time difference is the factor here. The other factor is your and your friends' schedules. Especially when your friends are doctors who have very unpredictable schedules. For all you know, you could be sleeping and dreaming about being chased by a big catterpillar who squeaks 'peekoo! peekoo!' and your doctor friends were cutting someone's heart open and poking it with the scalpel.
There is only that much you can do with your phone and SMS. I hate SMS with passion. Mostly because of the limited space in which forces you to SMS-talk. Bt Y? I lk sms! U can type lk ts! It ezy 2 rd! NOT.
Bless technology and its messengers. Hail ye! Hail ye! FULL SENTENCES! HOW I LOVE THEE.
With messengers installed in your phone, you are connected with your friends 24/7! This is why you should only add a few close friends. Honest to God, if you're not going to talk to the people in your friend list, why did you add them anyway? And why the hell do you add people you do NOT like? We should have a rule here: add likeable friends only. Especially some of your friends may be those who are 'Friends: enemies-included'. As if you don't have enough enemies already.
Not me, nuh-uh, no enemies for me (while scrambling to nail the door so the mob outside pointing pitchforks and waving fire torches can't barge in).
I will not care that I have a mob chasing me if I know I have these friends who I know I can trust with my most deepest, darkest secrets. God bless 'em!
God bless internet too.
Don't kill the internet, okay, God? I'll cry. Seriously.
+Edited 1 time+
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