Day 8

I'm grateful that I still have the common sense to not to kill myself.

Day 7: What? A month later?

I've been disappointed with a lot of stuffs lately. Mainly, I found out that my life as I've known it was a lie. I woke up one morning and things just became different. And I didn't know who I was anymore. And I still don't know even now. So I turned to my other blog. The one with all black background and white font and a little touch of red. I've affectionately nicknamed it my emo blog. In there, I put all my anger, disappointment, depression, and even some of the lighter stuffs.

Honest, that blog is even more alive than this one. Almost sad to realize that I have many things to feel shit of and few things to feel grateful of. The fact that no one reads it actually makes me spill what I really feel and well, I'm okay with that too.

I would say if I killed myself someday, my suicide note would be on that blog.

So I'm thankful for that blog.

By the way, I have that blog for 7 years now. The number of posts as of today is... 396.

Thank you for being there, my emo blog.

Day 378 or just Day 6

What? I know I've left this for more than a year. I've told you how I have this ADD...

Nah, I'm just lazy. Lazy to write. Lazy to find something to be grateful of. Lazy to be living, actually. Honest, I think I'm just surviving at this moment. I've quit my job last year, and it's nearly a year that I'm out of job. Mostly because I think I'll just crash and burn if I ACTUALLY get a job, which is stupid, or more precisely, retarded.

I've lost passion on a lot of things. Drawing, playing video games, and so... every day I'm just here, wasting air. I keep remembering the captain in Pixar's movie Wall-E, "I don't want to survive. I want to LIVE." I do, I do want to live.

I don't know how to do it, though. Maybe not being able to find something to be grateful of is one of the reasons why I'm stumped.

I used to be proud of myself for having vast imagination. That I could create a complete story in my head just on a whim. But the sheer laziness of mine actually hinders the process of making it real. I'm not proud of my laziness, not proud of my procrastination.

Most of all, I hate this fear. Fear leads to reluctance, reluctance leads to laziness, laziness leads to dullness. And while I understand the logic, I don't really know how to do the practical side of it.

So... what am I grateful of?

I guess I'm grateful of my imagination. Now if I could only knock myself and actually do something about it... it would be so grand, I tell you.

Anyway, I've decided to make this a Day 6, since I felt like I've cheated on my last entry.